Marriage: or, a fifty-year contract

A word on our marriage: Domi didn't promise me forever. In our vows, he promised me 50 years, and then, he said, 'we'll see.' It was humorous, of course, but also very true to who we are and what we believe in.

I never really thought I'd get married unless there was some compelling reason to do so. Marriage is a contract, a merging of assets. For us, it's also an expression of our commitment to one another, in an oddly traditional and patriarchal way. From a practical point of view, I can live and work in France without too many hoops to jump through. Actually, make that all of Europe. So. That's nice. Same for Domi living and working here, of course. ;)

The realities are that of all the married couples we know, more of them will be getting divorced than not. I can think of at least three friends who are already going through or have gone through the big D. Thankfully none of them had children. Regardless of a lack of children, divorce still sucks.

Domi and I both went through our parents' divorces as adults. I think Domi was relatively glad his mom left; I know that I was furious that my dad did. I had friends whose parents divorced when we were younger, and I've had students whose parents were already split. It's much more messy once children are in the picture, if you ask me. Slightly less messy when those children are grown, but that's still a commitment and set of expectations being broken.

So. Today, on our fourth anniversary, with our first baby sleeping on my chest, I choose this life with Domi. I choose our life together every day. I chose this life with him yesterday, and I fully intend on choosing it tomorrow. We've been together for almost 10 years, these past 4 as husband and wife. So weird, right? I'm not sure I would have imagined that for myself. I know that I met my husband when I was 22, but when I phrase it that way it always takes me aback. Mostly because I always planned on having a lot of adventures. The nice thing about being married to Domi? I continue to have those adventures. :D

Going back to this whole 50 year contract deal thingy... I'm glad Domi promised me that. It feels slightly more realistic than 'forever.' There's something damning about 'forever.' Even though I'll be nearly 80 in 50 years (if the universe even allots me that amount of time >_< (knock on wood)), I feel like it would be perfectly reasonable to revisit a life together and see if we are still compatible and want another 50 year contract... :P

Check back with me when I'm old and gray. 

Music!

As a Montessori teacher I am surrounded by music every day. The children and I are constantly singing, both together and separately. We play the bells, sometimes via lessons I give them, and sometimes they'll play them spontaneously. We also learn the names and composers of music from various time periods and genres. Needless to say, the musical foundation offered to children in our Montessori classroom is rich and vast.

From time to time I'll read something about the research done on the benefits of music for babies and children, but, here's an astonishing revelation (ha!)  this is an article about a documentary reporting the benefits of music for seniors struggling with dementia. Go figure.

When we think about our childhoods and education, regardless of whether you had a good experience (I did, even though part of me wishes I had been in Montessori schools all the way through..) or a bad one, what do we remember? I know I learned all sorts of facts about math and science, but I only remember the math I enjoyed (as well as what I use on a daily basis). I certainly don't remember much about the biology and physics I learned.

...but music, man. I remember a lot about what music I was listening to during different periods of my life, and I bet you do too.

There was that summer when I was working at camp for the first time and was totally crushed out on this boy called Tom. I listened to Etta Janes almost every day. I knew that album inside out. 

There's the pop music of my days at UCLA that I would listen to on the radio while driving around. Zoe and I would blast it when we were carpooling and occasionally try to make other commuters smile by being ridiculously silly. There are the times I was blue and would listen to The Beatles, curled up with tea and wishing it would rain (or glad it was gloomy outside). My entire childhood is bridged together with memories of singing oldies in harmony with my mom. :) Now, if I have anything to do with it, Elon's childhood will also be peppered liberally with music of all sorts.

I'm musically inclined, and I know this. I'm also acutely aware that not everyone is like me. I would, however, be astonished to meet someone who doesn't have *some* happy memory of music in their early lives. 

It's not surprising, therefore, that these seniors are benefitting from the music of their early days. :) I hope the documentary causes positive and lasting change for them.

I say, go sing your heart out. Don't judge your voice, because if somebody cares, that's their problem. They could probably stand to sing something themselves. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go sing my baby to sleep. :D

I am so lucky

I do not have to worry about this.



This story is really striking me for some reason. I'm not sure if it's because today is my due date (baby will come any day now!) and I'm thinking of my child in the future, or if I'm thinking of myself as a teenager, or if it's all hormonal or what... In any case, this and other recent articles on sexual assault and rape have been prominent in my thoughts recently.



I am so lucky. I can honestly say that I have never had anything bad happen to me.



Even with this luck, I find myself frequently overthinking things, making mountains out of molehills and the like. Domi always reminds me that if I can't actually do anything about something, then there's no use in worrying about it, and I *know* this with my brains... the problem isn't my brains. Silly brains. They know all about that.



No, the problem is the step in-between knowing there's nothing I can do and getting to the platform of I-am-therefore-not-worrying-about-it. I saw a sign somewhere that said 'worry is a misuse of the imagination.' I LOVE that and believe it. I still find myself over-doing things: overthinking, over-reacting...



I have a theory that part of that is related to my training as an actress - a part of me that I didn't let go of, even though I haven't flexed that muscle in years. It's *not* the most useful part of acting that I could hold on to.



Who else worries for no reason? Who doesn't worry and can give me a step by step of how to just relax? I can't seem to turn off my brain sometime.



And... after all this is said and done, I'm also cognizant of the fact that I am 9 months pregnant and have recently been super hormonal. So. Am I usually like this? I honestly can't even remember at this point.



Gah!



In any case, I do know that I am one lucky lady. I have always had everything I needed and most of what I wanted. I'm educated and well-traveled, healthy and happy. I have access to things that lots of people can't even dream of. So. Why worry? :)

Maternity Leave

I'm on a soft maternity leave. I say that because I'm doing some administrative work from home that I kind of wanted to do, but didn't feel like I need to go into work for. So I'll do a bit of that this week and then that'll be it. I'll be on maternity leave. Because... I'm going to have my baby. Next week. Supposedly. :D I'm pretty excited. Scratch that: I'm super excited. Yay! Baby!!

This is our baby's drawer. We are ready. Ish. Well. As ready as anyone ever can be. ;)

Hormones

This whole pregnancy has been a good one. Up until last week I've felt pretty great. 

I'm in the final crunch (3 weeks away!) and it seems my hormones are just now getting the best of me. I'm feeling incredibly irrational and yet simultaneously helpless to the capriciousness of my feelings. I'm having a hard time making small decisions. Like... what to eat in a restaurant. Um...

I'm going to make it work, though. Make it work.

Romance

Domi is sweet.

As are the Nutella strawberries he brought me for no reason whatsoever. :)

Finally, a rainy day

Tea and a book. I am where I'm supposed to be on a day like today. :)